Shiroki Yuutsu
by FluffyChibi
Summary: Uruha was the only thing Aoi had. If he can't have Uruha in his life anymore, he can't survive at all. From Aoi's POV. Rated K  for language and emo-Aoi :O
1. Prologue

__AAAHH! *runs* FIRST FIC!

So.. You might wanna know a little more about this before ou read it, huh?

AHEM.

**Summary:** Break ups are never easy. Especially when they were the only people keeping you alive. Aoi's POV

**Warnings:** Yaoi, Angst, Swearing, Self-Harm, etc etc _

**Pairings:** Uruha/Aoi, Reita/Kai, Aoi/?

**Disclaimer:** THE GAZETTE ARE MINE! Just kidding. They're not. But if they were... *evil smile* c:

The only thing I own is the story okay? ^_^

now it's time to read! If you want to. It'd be nice. Please. 3

* * *

><p><em><span>Prologue<span>_

You told me you wouldn't hurt me.

You told me you loved me.

You told me you'd protect me.

So why are you doing this?

I call out your name as you walk away from me.

I try to grab your shoulder but I'm too weak.

"Please.. Uruha.. I'm sorry, I-"

I'm cut off by you, who turns around and looks into my eyes.

You're crying.

I watch you silently as tears flood down your cheek.

I watch you wipe your eyes, taking a deep breath.

I watch you stare at me, your expression unreadable.

"Aoi.. Don't." Is all you say as you turn around again and start to walk.

You become a blur as my tears start to fill my eyes.

I must not give up.

I blink, and a tear falls down my face.

I run up to you.

Grabbing your shoulder I force you to turn around.

I'm getting impatient as unwanted tears fall heavy.

Despite everything, you stop and gaze into my eyes.

I try and talk to you.

"I-.. I love you, Uruha.."

You sigh, your eyes swelled from crying.

I knew this day would come, but I never knew it would happen like this.

"Don't tell me you love me. You shouldn't mean it."

Your voice is raised as your breathing gets more ragged.

You take a deep breath and continue.

"Aoi, I don't love you anymore. What we had.. is all over.

Find someone else."

The words I've been dreading, you finally speak.

You grab your bag, and head to the front door, slamming it as hard as you can.

You're probably going to find someone new and get over this, right?

I'm not.

I collapse to my knees on the cold, wooden floor.

I shout as loud as I can, hoping he hears me.

"URUHA! I'm sorry! Please, can you forgive me? This once? I promise I'll be better! I promise.. please.."

I start to cry louder than I did before.

He's gone.

The love of my life.

Gone.

_Forever_.

I can't take this.

I feel myself becoming numb.

I pick myself up, blinded by my tears and head for the kitchen.

_You're the only hope I had.._

I take out a large knife.

I cradle it in my hands, admiring the sharp edges.

_You don't love me anymore.._

I'm smiling.

My old addiction has returned, larger than ever.

I hold the knife in my left hand, and examine my right arm.

It's covered in scars.

_I did these because of you, Uruha.._

I start to laugh.

I can't control it.

My body's shaking and I almost drop the knife.

A few minutes pass before I regain control of myself.

I grip the knife firmly.

_I hope death's better.._

No one's here apart from me.

No one cares either.

I think about leaving a note, but it would take too long.

I want to get this over and done with.

_Uruha.. Why can't you understand?_

I raise the knife slowly in the air.

I slowly count to three.

Then, I hammer it onto my right arm, as hard as I can.

_I'm dying for you.._

I fall to the floor.

The pain is agonising but it will all be over.

I look around me.

Blood is pouring out of my wound rapidly.

_I _love_ you, Uruha._

I hear a scream.

It's either me or someone else, but..

Who would care about me?

I drop the knife on the floor, already too weak to hold it anymore.

My body is becoming more, and more numb by the second.

Counting my last breaths, my vision slowly goes black.


	2. Hospital

_Shiroki Yuutsu – Chapter 1_

**Summary:** I want him to... feel _sorry _for me, you know.. _realize_ what he's done to me. /Aoi's POV

**Warnings:** slight yaoi, Angst, Swearing, crying, and badness like that ^^

**Pairings:** Uruha/Aoi, Reita/Kai, Uruha/Saga Aoi/?

**Disclaimer:** THE GAZETTE ARE MINE! Just kidding. They're not. But if they were... *evil smile* c: seriously though. The only thing I own is the story okay? ^_^

ONTO THE STORY ALREADY! ;

* * *

><p><em>I drop the knife on the floor, already too weak to hold it anymore.<em>

_My body is becoming more, and more numb by the second._

_Suddenly, my vision goes black._

* * *

><p>The first thought that rushes through my mind is; <em>"Am I dead?"<em>

My body feels like lead, and everything aches like _hell..._

Wha-.. Where am I? I test my body to see if it still works. I try to twitch my fingers. _victory! _I try to clench my hand into a fist. I can do it slightly with my left hand, but not as much with my right. The right hand hurts a lot morethough.

I open my eye, regretting it immediately as the bright light in front of me blinds me, and it's _agonizing._ However, after a few seconds, I feel my senses returning to me, one by one. I feel a little cold, but there is a blanket warming me up. I hear the sounds of distant whispers, almost mocking me. _Do you hear these familiar whispers in death? _There is this weird smell... It kinda smells of cheap disinfectant. Hold on. _Cheap disinfectant. _Th-..That's the smell of a-

"Hospital..." I hear someone say as the sound of a door being opened appears. "It was really scary Rei; I thought that he was dead or something..." I hear a sob. _I was supposed to be dead anyway! _My thoughts yell at the person sobbing, not wanting to open my eyes again. I feel something grab my hand, and a voice different to the one that was just talking. "Shh Kai... It will be okay... He is going to have a great recovery and then we-"The person suddenly stops talking.

Probably because, I did _not _want to hear this person talk anymore, _or_ hold his hand. _Only _Uruha did that. The person was holding my right hand, so all I could do is twitch it swiftly, excruciatingpain running through my arm the moment I did it. "R-Rei? Wh..What is it?" Kai said, if I had heard right, anyway.

"H-He... Kai, he... His finger just t-twitched!" There is a huge gasp from the other side of the room and more sobs. _What's the big fucking deal? _My finger _twitched._ Nothing is fucking wrong with that!

Reita asks Kai to get a nurse, and I open my left eye to see if it works. It's okay after a few seconds. I open my right eye, and I see my best friend Reita staring down at me, red eyes and tears wetting his cheek. In all honesty, I feel _sorry _for him. Reita brushes a bit of hair out of my face. "Aoi..." is all he can whisper before he breaks down and starts to cry in front of me. I examine him more closely, his blond hair messed up, the bags under his eyes, the light blue baggy t-shirt and the stone-grey jeans, and that smell of cinnamon and lavender.

I have no idea how to respond to this.

I try to swallow, but there is a huge swelling in my throat preventing me from doing so. I wince with pain and feel Reita brushing a hair behind my ear. "Shh... It'll be okay... You're a-all right now..."

Even though he was weeping, he still managed to be speaking normal...ish.

I smile to show him everything's all right.

Kai loudly comes running back in the room, tears down his face, causing Reita to turn thankfully away from me. Reita stands up wiping his eyes, and hugs Kai tightly, giving him a soothing kiss on his forehead. "Honey... Where's the nurse?" Reita asks gently, tousling Kai's soft chestnut hair.

"O-Oh! T-The nurse S-said th-tha..." Kai stammers so much you can barely understand what he says. "Woah Kai, take deep breaths. In, and out, okay?" Reita cuts in, squeezing Kai tighter. Kai nods and breathes deeply for a few seconds and begins to start again. "O-Okay! W-Well... So the nurse said th-that she would be here soon because.. s-she has something to sort out," Kai says slower, with less stammers. But I really don't want to listen to this. I _wanted _death. I try to turn over as best as I can, and as uncomfortable as it is, it's less loud and I'm beginning to wonder if I can get any sleep out of this.

I am guessing that Reita and Kai are looking at me... I have a feeling that they are, it's _weird._ I hear Kai sigh, and I feel a dip on the bed, which I guess is him. Kai grabs me by the arms, and it's _so _painful, but obviously he doesn't notice my pain covered face as he rolls me over again, pulling my blanket down near my groin area, which even though I'm wearing a hospital gown, it feels extremely disturbing. I give him a bitter look, hoping he gets the message. He doesn't, as he puts an arm on my bandaged stomach. "You... You did..." he waves his hands towards my body to help his explanation, "... this... because of Uruha, didn't you..." He half whispers, half talks to himself as his eyes glaze up. I shut my eyes gently and nod.

Kai suddenly stops and jumps off the snow-white bed with great force, making my head throb _tremendously _as the bed bounces. I open my eyes and follow his path as he rushes to Reita and whispers something in his ear. Reita pales, and then looks to me. Scratching his head, he looks outside the window briefly before slowly edging my way. He crouches beside me, our faces less than an inch away. He sighs, a bit of his hair flopping up, then down again. Drawing his eyebrows together, he closes his eyes and nervously starts to speak. "A-Aoi... Uruha, he..." Reita bites his lip, as he is not sure what to say for the next part. Sighing, he tries to continue. "Uruha.. Heard about this and... Well he feels a little... bad, and he... he wants to see you, to tell you what... why you did... that..." He ends awkwardly, finally opening his eyes and gazing into space.

My eyelids open wide as my heart drops to the floor and bounces up again. Kai suddenly mutters darkly, "Saying he feels bad is an understatement..." before looking down at the floor, but I barely notice, because my head is rushing with thoughts of hope, puzzlement and... fear. Uruha wants to speak to me? I wonder if he'll be angry with me... but... maybe he'll tell me he's sorry? Ha, after what happened back then I bet I would be lucky to receive a _smile. _What if he tells me I'm worthless? That I'm an attention seeker, what if he-... I let out a strangled sob, and because that's the first sound I have probably made in a few days, it scratches at my throat, and tears well up in my eye at the tremendous sudden pain. Kai gets the message this time, and mumbles an excuse about getting water before bolting out the room.

"Yeah... I called him and he.." Reita looks into my eyes, warm black eyes meeting my tired, drained out brown ones. I blink twice as a sign of saying 'please continue' to him seeing as my voice is failing miserably. He nods, and nervously grins as he says the next part. "He was... upset and.. well he hung up on me after saying he'd be here in about 5 days.. And you've been out cold for about 3, so... 2 more days to go, I guess." He ends awkwardly, letting out a deep sigh. I want to tell Reita thank you, but as soon as I open my sore mouth, the nurse comes in.

"Hi, Aoi, glad you're awake!" The brunette-haired nurse says cheerfully as she comes over to check how I am, shushing Reita to the side. Kai follows behind her, with three glasses of water carefully balanced. He hands one to Reita, puts one on the table next to me, and drinks out of the last one. The nurse looks at the cup of water on the desk thoughtfully, as she pushes up her glasses. She smiles and looks at me again. "So anyway, Aoi, I got told what happened, and that was a very silly thing to do, okay? Don't do that again." She scolds me, poking a stern finger at my brow, eyebrows rising. I nod and turn my head to the side. She turns around to the other men and gives them information about me, and shit like that.

I really don't care about this, so I close my eyes and try to lure myself to sleep but... I can't seem to sleep. It's weird... Maybe it's because I've been out cold for 3 days... Anyway, Instead I just lie there with my eyes shut, half-listening to the nurse talking to Kai and Reita. I try to clear out my mind and... Eh, it half-works.

"_Uruha… tell me how much you love me!" The young man says to the one with his arms around his waist. "Hmm… More than all the way to the moon and back!" Uruha says, tightening his grip around Aoi. "But, the question is Aoi my love, how much do YOU love me?" He says, laughing as he strokes the young Aoi's hair. "All the way to the last star in the universe and back and forth forever!" Aoi says, and they both giggle, even though it makes no sense. The scene switches to a cold winter's night in Aoi and Uruha's apartment, with the chestnut-haired Uruha serenading Aoi with his guitar and singing, if that's what you'd call it. "Reila! Reila! WUUHOO Reila! Reila! HOOH!" They would both sing badly together, not caring if it wasn't romantic, because it was the best fun ever, and at the end they'd drink hot chocolate and kiss each other for hours, enjoying the chocolate taste on the other's mouth and then spending the rest of the night looking at the stars… but…the stars suddenly began to explode, one by one. "Aoi.. I must leave you." Uruha said before exploding, like the star. "Uruha!" Aoi yelled, confused. _What was happening…?

I wake up with someone shaking my shoulder. I open my weary eyes and see dark locks of hair and an _extremely _happy smile. I can just guess its Kai, and as my eyes un-blur the more I blink, the more details I recognize about him. He has changed his clothes, and he is holding a cup of fresh looking water. "Aoi! Hey bud, how you doing? With luck, you might be able to leave in a few days! Doesn't that sound great! We talked to the doctor and a few other people, and you will be living with me and Rei-Rei! Oh-.. Ruki will be there too! You haven't seen him in a while... He's been too busy to come to the hospital, but I-"I decide to trust my voice as I begin to speak in probably the most croaky voice ever. "Kai I-.. I... Feel like shit..." I end. I didn't know what to say, and that is the first thing I thought of.

Kai's eyes well up. I'm not too sure why, but maybe he's happy I'm speaking or something. He laughs angelically and holds out a glass. "You're speaking! That's amazing! Well done! Oh, and here, this is for you! Can you hold it...?" He holds out the glass to me, looking into my eyes. "Ye-Yeah.. I think.." I mutter, as my voice hasn't come back fully. I lift up my astonishingly recovered arms, admiring the almost healed wounds for a second before I hold the surprisingly cold glass in my hand and drink the refreshing water quickly, savoring the fresh taste and the coldness that medicates my throat. "Wow you finished that fast!" Kai exclaims, and I realize that as I try to gulp more, finding the glass empty. I pout and sniff. Instead of speaking, I look at him, then the glass again. "Fine, I'll top it up for you! Wait here!" He says happily, yanking the empty glass out of my hand, jumping up and running to the water-machine at the end of my hospital ward.

My eyes wander over to the window by the wall opposite my bed. _It's Raining. But... _I really love rain.. It's soothingly peaceful, and it looks.. really pretty. I watch the big clear raindrops race each other down the misty window, uniting near the bottom. I space out as I watch the rain fall, quick and slow at the same time.

"..Earth to Aoi!" I hear Kai yell, and I jump a little as I realize he's right next to me. I try to sulk, but it doesn't work as Kai simply laughs it off and hands me two cups of water. I gaze up to him, my eyebrows rising. _Two?_ He laughs and scratches the rear of his neck. "Just in case you get thirstier..." He bashfully admits. I let out the tiniest of laughs as I down them both. My throat feels so much better now. I look over to Kai, and try out my newly refreshed voice. "Thanks, Kai." I say, sounding a little un-enthusiastic, but still. I only feel a minuscule amount of pain in my throat, and my body doesn't actually ache so much as it did.. That was a quick recovery.

Kai holds my hand tightly as he goes on about how I went to sleep and he went home for a quick bath because "I haven't changed in _2 whole nights!" _and came back and woke me, and two words all of a sudden pop into my head. _Mother Kai. _These words describe him too much.. How he's always looking after me, talking to me, _everything. _"What's so amusing Aoi!" He suddenly asks in confusion, and I awake from my thoughts as I look up to see him with his head tilted side-ways, eyebrows knitted together. "Nothing.." I say, still keeping a smile on my face. I look at him, and then realize something-.. Or some_one_, is absent. "Uh.. Kai.. Where's Reita?" I ask timidly, playing with my raven hair.

"oh! Reita will be here in a bit, he's just out with his sister now.. He'll be here in about half an hour, but until then.. Well it's me!" He finishes cheerfully. I nod happily. "Good." We sit there in silence for a bit, Kai holding my hand, me just.. thinking, when another question pops into my head. "Why were you at my house?" I ask. This is a noticeably sensitive question to Kai, as he tenses up and his eyes mist over. "Well.." He begins, his voice taking on a more sincere tone to it, "I was.. Reita told me to tell you about practice we were having- well which we aren't now, but we _were_, and Uruha walked past me when I was a few meters from your house- He was crying, I could tell.. and I know how much you love him and I-" Kai wipes his nose before he continues his sad story, "I panicked. I ran to your door- It was unlocked, obviously, and I saw you in the kitchen with a- a-... and I called the ambulance and then Rei-.. It wa-.. I.. Was scared-..." A few tears clouded his face as he finished, breaking down like Reita did, covering his face in his hands. A rush of guilt starts to run swiftly through my body, and I lift myself up the bed and faced Kai, wrapping my slender arms around him in some awkward but hopefully comforting embrace. "I'm sorry Kai... I wasn't thinking I-.. I was an idiot. I promise never to do that again, okay?" He lifts his heads from his hands and he looks at me, his orbs filled with melancholy. "P-..Promise?" He asks, looking deeply into my eyes. "Promise." I repeat, wiping a tear from his eye, causing him to bury his head into the alcove of my shoulder. I stroke his soft hair as a sudden tear escapes from my left eye.

The door opens, but me and Kai don't hear it as we're comforting each other in our arms. "Woah.. what's going on here?" We hear the familiar voice of Reita as he walks in, wrapping me and Kai in a gigantic hug. I latch onto the both of them, receiving the warmth of Reita and Kai's body.

Soon after, Reita breaks the hug, with surprisingly dry eyes. "Kai.. we should go back and tidy the house.. After all, Aoi's coming home soon!" he says to Kai, stroking the man's chocolate hair. Kai nods, and smiles at me, but I can see that it's faked. "Well Aoi, we'll be leaving you here for a few days, because you'll probably want some time to think _and _recover, and don't forget that.." Kai looks to the side, but I already know what he's going to say, so there's not much point in him hesitating. "..Uruha's coming over soon, so I'll ask the nurses to make you look pretty and stuff!" he ends, grabbing onto my hand and squeezing them _extra _hard. I nod, and with my now weary voice I mumble a soft "Okay, sure. Bye guys, have a safe journey,". They smile and walk out the door.

I yawn and look up at the ceiling. _Wait a fucking second. _Kai said Uruha would be here soon.. so what does he mean by that? Does he mean soon today, or soon.. tomorrow? _Fuckfuckfuck. _I begin panicking, because this is actually pretty serious. I don't know how I want him to see me.. I want him to... feel _sorry _for me, you know.. _realize_ what he's done to me. _Regret _what he said. _Take me back! _I snigger at my stupid, dim-witted thought. He probably just thinks of me as a friend, what are the chances of him coming back? Not even a one out of ten! After what happened, why would he. After a few hours of worrying about Uruha, I finally let sleep take over my senses as I drift off into an uncontrollable nightmare of the past.

"_Uru! I want you to come with me to starbucks! I want to have a romantic coffee with youuuuuu!" The happy Aoi said loudly, jumping with enthusiasm. The brunette looked up, eyebags under his tired, worn-out eyes.  
>"No Aoi, I'm <em>working_." Came the short reply instantly, which quickly made the charcoal-haired man pout with his adorable lips. "But Uruuuuuuuuu, you can stop working for a little and have a breaaak!" Aoi whined, his hair falling into his face. Usually his pout worked with Uruha, but.. Not that day. "Seriously Aoi, stop it. I'm too fucking busy, okay!" Uruha was agitated enough and he didn't need Aoi annoying him, because he could get seriously mad and do something to Aoi. Aoi didn't notice Uruha's agitation and kept moaning. "URUHAAAA!" Aoi yelled loudly in Uruha's ear, causing Uruha to jump loudly and accidently swipe his pen across his page, leaving a huge pen mark over the page. "AOI! YOU FUCKING IDIOT!" Uruha suddenly cried, jumping up. "WHAT THE FUCK! YOU'VE RUINED IT! FOR FUCK SAKE!" He screamed, his heart dropping at the ruined work he spent so long on. His gaze on Aoi turned to fire, as his palm connected with Aoi's unsuspecting cheek. Aoi collapsed to the floor, hands automatically reaching to his face. The pain was so colossal that his eyes filled with tears of pain. Uruha did nothing to save it though. "Aoi.. You are the biggest fucking idiot in the world". _

_The next day, Uruha was absent from the house. Aoi got up, and walked around the empty house, recalling the events of yesterday. His eyes stung miserably as he remembered that expression on Uruha's face. To be honest, it was quite a small reason for Uruha to get angry like that but... he over-reacted a _lot_. Aoi looked at Uruha's 'office', which he'd never been allowed to go in. Aoi knew he was breaking a rule, but.. Uruha was gone. He opened the stiff wooden door, and noticed the letter on the table next to the cold cup of coffee. Aoi walked over, his hand brushing against the wall. He sat on the chair, and picked up the letter. He put his knees up to his chest, and laid one hand around them as he held the note with the other. "_Dear Uruha," _The letter began to read. "_I know you and Aoi haven't been on good terms recently," _That was strange. They hadn't. Maybe that was why Uruha reacted so much.. _".. And I want to say, Well.. This is hard to put, but I think I can make you happier. Think about this, leave him and stay with me for a while, and live with me. We can see how things improve with your mood, because you seem down and angry whenever you've met me after being with Aoi. I can make you happy... by many things. ;)x –Saga_." Aoi felt his face paling as he clutched the letter tight. His eyes widened as his brain processed what he'd just read. Uruha.. loved someone else? But, Aoi quickly thought, It didn't really _seem _like Saga was saying he _loved _Uruha, more like he wanted to hang out.. But even so. The dark thoughts were beginning to cloud his head, and Aoi suddenly felt a wave of... anger? Jealousy? As he crumpled the note and threw it on the desk, sniffing loudly. He walked out and pushed the door, not caring if it shut properly, before throwing on his coat and putting on his shoes, running out the house. He walked and walked the cold streets until he could walk no longer. Then he walked a little more. He collapsed on a park bench, concentrating on breathing more than anything. _If Uruha leaves me... I would definitely do it this time. _He thought, putting a hand up his sleeve and feeling the bumpy scars. He took in a serrated breath, shutting his eyes. It was not until a few hours later when a car pulled over next to him, making Aoi open an eye, realizing Uruha was in the front seat. "Get in." Was all Uruha said. Aoi silently did as he was told. They stayed silent for the whole journey, although both men knew that, they wanted to kiss each other, hug, stop fighting…. But now.. they couldn't really do that. Aoi still loved Uruha though, and he thought it would all blow over soon… It wouldn't. The next day they started to argue.. and they kept arguing and arguing.. over stupid things. Aoi would spend the night locked in his room crying, while Uruha lay on the sofa, listening to Aoi's loud sobs, feeling sorry, but also mad at him. Soon though, Aoi brought up the letter after drinking a few beers. "Uruha... Who's Saga?" They both knew perfectly well who Saga was. "Saga? .. My work college.." Uruha mumbled, secretly cursing himself for such a bad excuse. Aoi laughed, walking over to Uruha. "Nooope! You're fucking cheating on me! With him! You're lying, I can tell, and you don't love me anymore!" he said, giggling with anger. Uruha massaged his temple with one hand. "No Aoi, that's not fucking true!" He responded angrily, clenching his other fist into a tight ball, sensing the up-coming danger. Aoi's laughing stopped so suddenly it seemed almost fake. His eyes shone a dark black. "Don't lie." He said, walking to Uruha. "But I'm not fucki-.." Uruha never finished his sentence as Aoi slapped Uruha.. _Hard._ Harder than when Uruha had slapped Aoi a few days ago. Uruha fell to the floor in pain."YOU-…" He roared, his anger uncontrollable. He stood up, walked over to Aoi, his gaze threatening and infuriated, but then walked past him, and punched the wall with all his strength, making a large dent in the wall. Aoi looked at his hand. He had just _slapped _Uruha. Hurt him. Aoi suddenly burst into tears and ran off, into his room. Uruha sat on the sofa, letting out a few tears of pain as well as he thought about things. The next morning, they broke up._

I wake up, breathing heavily, not moving, keeping my eyes shut, but breathing heavily. _Why did I dream that?_ I wonder, as I fail to clench my hand into a fist, brushing past something warm as I do. _That was some fucked up nightmare… _A thought tells me. It's true, why would I dream about that day? Some of that didn't even happen like that, so why-.. I open my eyes slowly, and as my vision adjusts, my heart drops and raises at the same time, as I realize the person I just dreamt about is leaning over me.


	3. Confusion

Now, the long awaited 2nd chapter or Shiroki Yuutsu!

Here's that thinggg~~~ XD

**Summary:** I really just want to be left alone right now and remember the exact moment that happened a few hours ago. /Aoi's POV

**Warnings: **little yaoi, angst, pain, emo-aoi, swearing, all that.. xD

**Pairings:** Uruha/Aoi, Reita/Kai, Uruha/Saga Aoi/?

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the GazettE in any wa- KAI! THAT IS NOT A TOY!

favourite, review and enjoy :) 3

ONTO THE STORY ALREADY! XD XD XD;

* * *

><p><span>Shiroki Yuutsu – Chapter 2<span>

_I wake up, breathing heavily, not moving, keeping my eyes shut, but breathing heavily_. Why did I dream that?_ I wonder, as I fail to clench my hand into a fist, brushing past something warm as I do. _That was some fucked up nightmare_… A thought tells me. It's true, why would I dream about that day? Some of that didn't even happen like that, so why-.. I open my eyes slowly, and as my vision adjusts, my heart drops and raises at the same time, as I realize the person I just dreamt about is leaning over me._

* * *

><p><em>Uruha<em>..

I want to touch his face, but I can't even seem to _move_, at the moment, because of the shock of seeing him this close. All I can do is stare at him, tears welling up in my eyes as I do, from simply _seeing _his beauty and knowing it might _never _belong to me again… _ever…_

I can tell he finds the whole thing a lot to take in, judging the way he was looking my stiff body up and down, worry plastering his face. I don't blame him, but still.. _He _made me do this. _He _caused this pain. I-…

"Aoi…" He whispers, his heavenly voice sending shivers down my spine. _Why is this happening?_ I mean.. I can't _move.. _I can't.. Do anything.. except watch him. He seems reluctant to lift up his hand, as I can see from the corner of his eye, but he does end up putting his cold hand on my cheek. I want to swipe it away, but.. Why would I do that? I.. Want to go back to the happy times. I'm thinking too fast I know, but.. I want.. _us _again.

He leans closer to me, his face getting paler as he takes a deep breath and opens his mouth. It's like he wants to say something.. But.. Why? Too soon he closes his eyes and leans back, raising his hands to cover his mouth. I watch him as he leans back down again, attempting to crack his eyes open and look at me. He fails, looking at the pillow I'm lying on, but the more I stare at Uruha's bony figure the more I take in about him. He looks somewhat weak.. he's extremely thin.. It's like he hasn't eaten for _days.. _he's definitely paler than I remembered him to be. He looks dehydrated, but not for water.. more like.. love? But, why would he love me after what he told me that day. _My Uruha.. _The two words bring back so many memories between us.. I try my hardest to talk, as hard as I can possibly do, but all that comes out of my fucked up mouth is a short croak, but it's enough for him to snap out of his daydream, shake his head, look at me, and clear his throat, as if he wants to tell me something.

He takes a deep breath before finally speaking, gazing into my dark brown eyes. "I.." He starts with a quivering breath, quickly sniffing before restarting his sentence, "..I'm sorry, Aoi." He takes hold of my hand, but I make no action, except feeling the blood rush from my face. He's… _Sorry? _After what he did? He's probably being nice to me.. But I want to know why!

Shutting my eyes so I can't see his worried expression, I let my heart talk with a rusty voice. "Bu-… But why," I end, coughing a little, the lack of water dehydrating my throat rapidly. He pulls down the covers of my hospital-sheets, obviously examining the bandage around my abdomen. I open my eyes to see his glassy expression, full of sorrow. "..I caused this, Aoi. I treated you like a fucked up idiot and I'm sorry. I never cheated on you I-.. I'll explain later, but.. I just want you to know I still-.." He pauses while sniffing loudly, "..I still love you." He finishes, mumbling, but I catch every word of it. I watch him as he leaves the room, a small tear running from his eye as he sniffs, his expression creasing as he shuts the door with glossy eyes.

_He still loves me. _

I'm not sure I caught that correctly. He.. Still loves me? I repeat his words over and over in my mind. I try to sit up but my waist is killing me effectively.

I don't recognize when someone comes in and starts talking, because my mind is somewhere else. _He still… _I take small gasps of air, because for some reason it's hard to breathe properly. I feel someone shaking my body _painfully_, but I still don't notice. I snap out of it after a few seconds and stare at the people next to me, which turn out to be a rather distressed Reita and Kai. Kai looks at me, sighing. "Tell me what happened, Aoi. Wha-.. What's wrong? Are you okay?" He questions, earning a nod from Reita, as he joins the conversation. "Yeah Aoi.. we just came in and you looked.." He broke off, knitting his eyebrows as he probably couldn't find a word to express what I had probably looked like, ".. and uh.. I was worried something happened to you when…" He looks over to the door, looking as if he expects someone to come in. I still stare at them, not moving, just looking them and dazing off into my own world again.

All I want to do is _sleep_.. but Reita isn't letting me as he tries to shake me to awareness. A few minutes ago I collapsed onto the bed, the events and the pain tiring me out to the extreme. Kai ran off to get a nurse, but I really just want to be left alone right now and remember the exact moment that happened a few hours ago. I guess just ignoring Reita the best I can and nodding off into the depths of sleep is going to be the best I can do, but I will try doing it.

"_Hey, Aoi.. Let me tell you something." A black shadowy figure whispers to the young man sitting down. "Uh-.. Sure.." The raven-head replies, strong but nervous, feeling the cold shadow lurk over him. "Heh," the figure lowers to a mumble, moving over to Aoi's ear, lips brushing over Aoi's ear lobe, making him shiver. "I just want to tell you that you're all mine now.." He says in a barely audible tone, pressing his hands against Aoi's warm body, putting a lazy arm around the dark haired man's stomach, "and no one else will ever have you." The figure ends, leaning his head over to kiss Aoi's smooth neck. "I-.. Wha-.. What are you doing?" Aoi gulps, surprised at the figures actions. "Giving you some.. special treatment." The figure grunts in a musky undertone, putting his hands up Aoi's shirt slowly. "Wait I.. Who I-.." Aoi gasps as the figure does a figure of 8 around Aoi's belly-button. Aoi screams and pushes the figure away, into the corner of the murky room, where an extremely dim glow lightens up the figure's face. _Reita. _Reita chuckles softly as he gets onto all fours and clambers over to Aoi. "You can't escape from me, Aoi-_sama_" he says, straining the 'sama' part at the end. Reita then jumps onto Aoi, frightening the shit out of Aoi. Aoi screams with all the power he has. "Hush hush.. you'll be mine soon.." Reita murmurs, lying over Aoi and trapping him under his weight. Reita suddenly leant down and licked Aoi's neck, leaving a wet trail which made Aoi shiver and cringe with wetness. "Haha, you like that don't you? I bet you'll like it even more when I-"_

The black scene faded away as I'm suddenly lured into awakening. I'm breathing extremely fast, and my heart feels like it's about to explode. Did I.. Almost have a nightmare about Reita.. _raping me? _But why..? Oh.. _Speak of the devil_.. Opening my eyes, I see my nightmare walk towards me, a huge smile on his face. I feel my face pale as I remember the nightmare more clearly. What is that wasn't a nightmare.. What if that was a _sign?_ I can't face him at the moment.. I need to forget that nightmare before anything else happens. He comes over and talks to me happily, and as he puts his arms around me, if I hadn't lost all the blood from my paling face already, it surely has now. My throat suddenly gets a lot drier as my hands start to shake. I'm staring at a wall, eyes wide open, not even listening to.. Him.

He stops suddenly and pulls away from the hug, taking hold of my arms, trying to stare right into my eye. More memories of the dream ink into my brain, and I fight the urge not to scream as loud as I can to make him get off me. Instead, I yank my hands away from his grip and push him off the bed. His head re-appears seconds later, but he doesn't' do anything. But right at that moment, Kai thankfully comes in, stares at me, Reita, then rushes over to me and clasps me in a tight but caring hug. I melt into the warmness and listen to him whisper soothing words to me. He then stops and talks to Reita. "Reita, he's probably had a bad dream about you or something, so don't go near him for a bit." He says simply, catching Reita off-guard. "But.. How do you know that?" Kai sighs and twirls a bit of my hair, holding me in one of the most comfortable positions ever. "Well Reita, if you actually paid some attention to how people express their feelings then you can tell exactly what they're thinking." Kai says in his cold, calming voice, and I hear a gasp from _his _direction.

"But I _do!_ Aoi's just a hard nut to crack.. if that's even the right saying.." Reita ends awkwardly. Kai sighs, then lifts my head with one of his warm hands. "Hey Aoi.. We're going back home in a bit!" He says in his happy voice, but.. there's something about his voice that's not right. It sounds like fake happiness, if I'm honest. But I smile anyway, ignoring the trace of sadness in his eyes. I know I shouldn't, but I want to play the young scared child with him. "Ehh.. Reita? Can you tell the nurse we're ready and Aoi was just having nightmares please?" Kai says pleadingly, snuggling me close. "Fine," Reita replies, and hearing the door close, he leaves the room.

"Hey Aoi.. I bet you want to know what your new room will look like for the next month or thousand!" Kai says, again in that faked happiness that I recently noticed. I nod against his radiating chest, feeling his surprisingly raising heartbeat pound into my forehead. "Well…" He starts, erasing one hand from holding my body to scratch his eyebrow most likely, then returning it to the place he was holding me before, "You're going to sleep in that guest room that no one uses, and the walls are really light green and there's a TV and a double bed so you can have big sleeps in it, and well basically everything you have in your room but there's loads more to it because we got a huge deal on this house so we could afford more things and there's some weird cactus thing in there and-.." I listen to him blabber on about what my room looks like, staring up at his beautiful tired eyes. There were some bags under them, and his eyes seemed to be drooping a little, but he never showed any signs of tiredness. I honestly think he's my second mum sometimes. I listened to his speech towards the very end, and literally just as he finished his eccentric- over the top speech, the door opens and I hear Reita come inside the room.

I stare at him, not realizing my eyes are open wide, and that I'm not even _breathing_, until Kai puts a hand on my shoulder. "Don't worry Aoi, Reita's not going to hurt you.." He whispers soothingly into my ear. _But what if he does? _I take a deep breath and gulp, closing my eyes as I feel him come towards us and sit on the bed. "Kai.. Aoi.. It's time to go." He says, resting a hand on my back, which is surprisingly soothing.

I look up at Kai, who nods and then looks down at me. "Hey Aoi, I hope you can walk because we're going home!" He ends happily, catching a bun that came out of nowhere. I look to my left and see Reita holding two buns. He offers one to me, and I accept it, holding the warm roll. Kai leans me against the wall, then stands up, puts the bun to the side and grabs both of my hands, making me drop the bun on the bed. "Hey Reita, actually can you hold these two buns? I gotta help Aoi walk.." He ends, looking over at me. Reita nods, and goes over to pick the food up, holding the three buns in his arms, and a bag in another. "We're going to take you into the car, get some prescription and then go home!" Kai announces, as happy as anything. I nod and Reita mumbles something to Kai. Kai suddenly widens his eyes and looks at me. "Okay! Change of plan! We're gonna re-heat those buns at home, because Reita will fetch your prescriptions, and I'll take you home! Does that sound okay?" He asks me. I nod, and his face beams up. "Yay! Okay, lets go! I'm gonna help you to walk! Bye Reita!" Reita walks out the door, leaving me alone with Kai. Kai pulls gently on my hands, and pulls me upwards, which is _excruciatingly painful _but I try not to show it as I keep my face calm..ish.

"You're doing great Aoi!" Kai encourages happily, grinning at me, not noticing that this is actually the most painful thing I've ever done. Painfully, Slowly but successfully, Kai and I manage to lure my body into almost standing. "There.. We-ah.. Go!" Kai says, grunting as I fall against him, not used to all the body weight I have balanced on my feet. He grabs my arms and hauls me up so I stand, out of breath but fairly stable, as my shaking hands grab onto his arms. I gently pull away his hands and take a few wobbly steps around the room. _God this is embarrassing.. _But at least I'm walking. My steps get stronger and I get used to the weight I'm carrying, but as soon as I get confident I trip over my feet and land in Kai's arms. "Haha-.. Hold on Aoi, you're still weak! Take it easy okay! Grab onto my arm! We'll walk out!" He says, holding out an arm, which I grab, smiling a little, showing him that I agree. He smiles, then a nurse comes in. "Well that was prompt!" Kai says, laughing as the nurse joins in. "Haha, yes it was! It's good Aoi's walking, I just wanted to measure his body weight-.. Eh.. Aoi, do you mind stepping on these scales? I need to measure how much you should eat because, you seem _very _skinny." The nurse says, going from happy to serious, in a matter of seconds.

I nod and walk up to her, but she walks away, grabbing some scales out of somewhere, motioning me to stand on them. I stand on it, surprised at how stable I am. The nurse motions me to get off once I hear a beep, and as I do, she walks over and writes my body weight on a piece of paper, taking a short breath as she shuts her eyes to calculate things in her head. I walk over to Kai, and he holds my arm steady. "Right.. Kai is it?" She says, turning around, and getting a nod from Kai. "Okay, so Kai, I want you to start off with Aoi not eating too much because his body isn't used to it yet, probably just a few snacks, but build it up and he'll be able to eat normally soon." She says, scrawling something on a notepad, ripping it out and giving it to Kai, who holds it with his free arm. "Okay.. I can do that!" Kai says, folding it with his two fingers and putting it inside his back jean pocket, smiling as he faces me and the nurse. "If that's alright then, is it okay if we can go now? Our friend Reita's just getting Aoi's prescription from the doctors, and I know what to do please?" He says, showing his famous puppy-dog eyed look. "Fine, fine.. Go sign out at the reception okay?" She says, smiling as she folds her arms and walks out, shutting the door behind her. "Wow.. I thought nurses were supposed to be stricter than that…" Kai said in a hushed voice, but, I _believed him._ Nurses aren't meant to let you go like that, are they? Oh well.

After signing out at the reception, Kai and I hobbled over to the car park which seemed like miles away, but we finally got there. Kai fastened me into the car, me still trying not to show any signs of pain even though I was _dying _inside. "Okay.. Aoi? Are you doing okay?" Kai says, opening the driver's door and jumping in the car, putting in the key and starting the ignition. I nod, and look out the window. I really want to avoid conversation right now. Kai looks at me and laughs. "Okay, Aoi, seeing as you're obviously thinking about something important, lets go!" He says, lurching the car forward, making me feel sick. This is going to be such a long journey.

* * *

><p>AN Ho-ly moly. This was so bad to write D: I mean it's _ok.. _But it goes random towards the end v_v But gotta love Mumma Kai :3

**_THIS SEEMS SO UNREALISTIC /3_**

DUM DUM DUUUUMMMMM URUHA HAS FEELINGS! URUHA DIDN-.. I can't say anything xD But what will happen next! You'll find out.. *anime style tension* .. IN THE NEXT _**SHIROKI YUUTSU!**_


End file.
